Having read several comments recently, I thought I’d share my own experience about my deafness and disbelief about it. Being a deaf person, it’s a strange juxtaposition to be forced to operate in a hearing world, only to get reactions from hearing people who struggle to understand my reality. I hope this sheds some light.
Invisible Disability
Deafness is known to be an ‘invisible disability’. It is not obvious to someone who has just met me. They see me speaking, lip reading or using written communication which can lead them to believe I’m not really deaf. I’m actually severe to profoundly deaf and work hard, every day, to participate in hearing situations. It’s been a lifetime’s work for me, so I’m pretty good at ‘hiding’ it – though this is not intentional, it’s simply getting on with life as best I can.
Assumptions
The problem with assuming I’m not deaf are two-fold. Firstly there are comments, such as ‘but you don’t look deaf’ or because I ‘don’t sound deaf’ – which unfortunately are uneducated responses. I don’t believe these are meant to be offensive, but well, often they are. Secondly, there is the assumption that all deaf people communicate in the same way and have the same needs. For example “but you don’t use sign language?” or “but you have hearing aids, so it’s fixed”. No. We are all individual. We all have different needs, languages and levels of deafness. Not treating deaf people as the individuals they are means that you cannot meet their needs.
Communication Issues
When people don’t register my deafness, it often leads to miscommunication. People can speak too quickly, not clearly enough, they don’t face me or make adjustments etc. As a ‘hidden disability’ it is quickly forgotten. I also cannot sign very well (not all deaf people use sign language, for various reasons). Communication issues lead to isolation in various areas of life.
Invalidating Experiences
Sometimes I appear to hear better than other times. There are so many reasons why this might be; I could be tired, there may be background noise, you may be close to me but mumbling, and sometimes I might just be catching every few words or so and I’m using context to fill in the blanks in my head. Only a couple of months ago I received the comment “You’re funny you are, sometimes you hear me and sometimes you don’t” in a suspicious tone – like they don’t believe I am deaf, I might fake it or I’m choosing selective hearing. Occasionally I take a moment to explain this in more detail for someone, why sometimes communicating is even harder than at other times, but often it’s just easier to let these comments go and carry on with my day. However this invalidation of deafness can frustrate us. It can give us self-doubt and isolation. Instead of being understanding towards us, it can lead to us having to justify our deafness.
We all have both unique and shared life experience. This is what is so great about community. Working together to ensure we not only validate our own lives, but also understand each others. When we can stand in our own power and understand (rather than assume) other peoples – we all grow. At Deaf Club, we’re a worldwide online community of people with hearing loss and who are D/deaf. We celebrate our similarities and differences, fostering an amazing deaf community to help you stand in your own power and live life to the full. If you’re deaf, you can join us here. We look forward to meeting you!
