We’re nearly in May and thoughts are turning to the impending Coronation of Charles III and his wife, Camilla, as King and Queen of the UK on 6th May 2023.

Celebrations and party plans are underway including street parties and an extra bank holiday for those in the UK!

When I look back at footage of Queen Elizabeth II’s Coronation in 1953 there are many films of people sat at long tables in the streets, waving their flags with huge smiles and delicious food and drinks. What an occasion! However, those long tables are not for me. Unless you’re sat immediately opposite or next to me, chances are we won’t communicate.

As deaf people we have a term for this; ‘Dinner Table Syndrome’. The above is a very literal example what this is.

What is Dinner Table Syndrome and why does it matter?

As a deaf person, having regular meals with family and friends around a table should be a beautiful place to be. Included. Fed. Enjoying the company and conversation with your nearest and dearest. Yet this experience is too often not the same for deaf people. Trying to follow conversation, the activity around the table, the people further down the table that you can’t actually see, lipreading people who are half chewing, fast paced conversation / jokes, background noise and so on – can all lead to withdrawal and a feeling of isolation. Those of us who are deaf will be aware people generally do not like having to repeat a conversation or a joke, responding with ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘I’ll tell you later’.  Hell, I want to enjoy my food too, but chopping up my food and lipreading simultaneously is not possible!

Of course, we like to eat out as well. However, this usually comes with even more background noise, sometimes inexplicably loud music and bad acoustics. Most restaurants do not accommodate well for the deaf. 

I have been a guest at many weddings, where the ceremony and the vows were incomprehensible to me. Followed by the wedding breakfast – sat with lots of people who don’t know I’m deaf, followed by the speeches which were often too far away to lipread. As I got older, I got braver and simply joined one of the front tables for the speeches, but it wasn’t for a long time until my confidence would allow me.

The definition of Dinner Table Syndrome now extends to all situations where deaf people are deprived from equal inclusion in communication. In any situation, personal as well as professional. Family, friends, work, doctors, out in public etc. We all learn information through direct communication as well as indirect exposure to it. The latter also being hugely important in the workplace, safety out in public, learning new ideas, language skills and more! Without this direct and indirect learning, we are not able to bond, learn, react (I could go on!) the same as those who can hear. Our social lives, careers and mental health can suffer as a result.

In social situations, it can be particularly challenging to connect with others if we’re unable to fully participate in the conversation. It can create a sense of exclusion and alienation, leading to a reluctance to socialise and build new relationships.

It can be particularly damaging professionally, not being able to participate equally in team meetings and group projects, as well as not being able to build equal relationships with colleagues.

If you’re not deaf, please know that we would like an equal seat at the table please. The good news is that there are ways to prevent Dinner Table Syndrome and create a more inclusive and welcoming environment by simply being mindful of a deaf persons needs and preferences. Begin by asking, what accommodations do you need?  Please remember, it is about equity as well as equality – yes, everyone would like to sit in the middle of the table, but if I don’t then I can’t see therefore ‘hear’ people (TIP: round tables are much better!) Yes, everyone would like to sit at that particular desk in the office, but if I don’t then I can’t see (hear) people approach me or gain equal indirect learning from colleagues etc. 

This blog is written by, and for, our worldwide online deaf community at deaf.club. We know the feelings and the consequences of ‘Dinner Table Syndrome’ only too well and it’s empowering to be part of a community that understands. If you are deaf or have hearing loss, pull up a seat, you are very welcome to join us at our ever extending table!  Join us here